I have just had chemotherapy number nine. Things are getting tough now. The chemotherapy is gradually building up in my body and I feel terrible most of the time. I am very weak and have a job to do simple tasks. If I am in the house on my own I usually just sit and doze if I can or look out of the window watching the birds. Making a cup of tea is too much like hard work and besides I feel sick most of the time. My feet and legs are very numb now all the time and my hands and arms are beginning to get the same. I keep telling myself that this is a small price to pay and is part of the cure, which makes me feel stronger. I couldn't eat anything during the chemotherapy day and struggled not to be sick in the afternoon. I did not want to be sick in the chemo ward. Everybody attached to pipes and feeling bad would not appreciate me vomiting in front of them. The days are nice and warm at the moment and this helps a lot. I spend a lot of time sitting in the garden in the sunshine feeling very lucky to be where I am. I sit and shut my eyes and suddenly I can hear everything clearer. Things I had not noticed when my eyes were open suddenly become more apparent. I can hear the birds calling now. The most striking thing though is the buzzing of the bees. My eyes shut, I turn my face towards the sun and feel the warmth. I can hear bees all around me and I imagine them flitting from flower to flower in their search for nectar. The bees are overcoming the nausea. I realise I am sitting in this position, alone, eyes shut tight, facing towards the warm sun, listening and with a big, big smile on my face.
|